- Importance of Early Marriage in Islam
A Social, Cultural, Educational & Religious E-Forum Under the Facilitation of the World Federation of KSI Muslim Communities Issue No. 07-06, May 26, 2006 / Rabi' al Thaani 27, 1427 AH
The institution of marriage has been given tremendous importance in Islam. Generally, in the terms of jurisprudence it is highly recommended, but in many cases due to extraordinary circumstances, it becomes obligatory and a religious duty. For instance, marriage becoming obligatory when there is a chance of adultery or any other similar sin.
The Holy Prophet (SAW) said,"The best people of my Umma are those who get married and have chosen their wives and the worst people of my nation are those who have kept away from marriage and are passing their lives as bachelors."(Mustadrakul Wasail by Muhaddith Noori, Vol 2, Pg 531).
As one matures physically, sexual desires develop in the individual and gradually both girls and boys start getting attracted to each other, which slowly develops into some sort of psychological pressure. This natural and undirected emotion gradually seeks solace in whatever form possible. Unfortunately more often than not, it results in the youngsters deviating from the right path and indulging in some unwanted and undesired habits. Before becoming victims of ill-directed lust, it is better for them to get married and settle down. Therefore, the leaders of Islam have advised their followers to follow this most important Sunnah. As the Holy Prophet (SAW) states:"O youths, whosoever among you can marry, he should do so because marriage protects your eyes (from indulging in sin by looking lustfully at others in privacy."(Makaarimul Akhlaq).
Imam Sadiq (AS) narrates that one day the Holy Prophet (SAW) went on the pulpit and said,"O people, Jibraeel has brought unto me a divine command stating that girls are like fruits from a tree. If they are not plucked in time then they get rotten by the rays of the sun and a slight blow of the wind will result in their falling down from the tree. Similarly, when girls attain maturity, then like other women they develop emotions related to sex and there is no cure for it except her husband. If they are not married, prevention of character corruption becomes a remote possibility because after all they are human beings and no human is free from vice."(Furoo-e-Kafi, Vol 5, Pg 337).
In yet another tradition from Mustadrakul Wasail it is narrated that"When a youngster marries early in his youth, Shaitaan cries out of desperation and says, Alas! This person has protected one third of his religion, now he will protect the remaining two thirds also."
Imam Sadiq (as) narrates from the Holy Prophet (saww) that he said,"Those believers who marry, protect half of their religion from danger."
In yet another tradition, Imam Sadiq (as) says,"Two Rak'as of a married person is better than seventy Rak'as of an unmarried one."(Wasailush Shia, Vol 5, Pg 1)
The Holy Prophet (saww) once said,"Whoever marries, protects half of his religion, then for the remaining half he must only fear God."(La'alil Akhbar).
The sixth Imam, Imam Sadiq (as) says,"A sleeping married man is better than a fasting unmarried man."
The Messenger of Islam (saww) said,"Do not marry a woman for the following four reasons: Wealth, beauty, ancestry and lust. It is obligatory upon you to marry a woman on account of her religion."(Jaame ul Akhbar).
In yet another tradition, the Messenger of Islam (SAW) has prohibited his followers from marrying a beautiful woman from a disgraceful background.(Bihar ul Anwar, Vol 23, Pg 54).
To get a good, modest and chaste spouse is among the good fortunes of a person according to the leaders of Islam and is also considered as one of the sources by which the religion of a person can be protected. They have conveyed this message quite often that the worship of a married person is much more significant and important before Allah than that of a bachelor or a spinster.
The Holy Prophet (SAW) says:"Among the good fortunes of a man is to have a good wife."Furoo-e-Kafi, Vol. 5, Pg. 327)
Source: Excerpt from An Article by Sajjad Ali By: Yusuf G Kermalli - (Sanford, USA)
Finding A Spouse - In Light Of The Qur'an And Sunnah
http://www.rafed.net/english/women/main/family/matrimony/08-finding-a-spouse.html
In Islam it is clear that marriage is the optimum lifestyle.
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed Signs for people who reflect." (30:21).
Yet, as more and more Muslims become a part of the 'West', the 'West' becomes part of the Ummah and leads us away from the strict interpretation of Islamic guidelines in regard to marriage.
Muslims are not permitted to touch, have social intercourse, have personal relationships, have intimate relationships or date members of the opposite sex outside of specific 'blood' relationships and marriage. Therefore, the customs of the 'West' - dating, inter-gender gatherings, and Internet communications that become personal are forbidden. There are some who would disagree with this statement, saying that this is 'old-fashioned' and that 'times have changed'. we would counter by saying that the injunctions of the Qur'an and Sunnah have never changed - they were written for all times and all peoples. They are, in fact, the categorical imperative that Immanuel Kant strove to find. This is opposed to the customs of the 'West'.
In cultures outside of Islam, dating and touching exist. We see the results every day. Women and men go in and out of relationships, many children are born out of wedlock, children remain fatherless. Fatherless homes are the norm rather than the exception and these homes tend to have a lower standard of living and a higher rate of troubled children.
Muslims are encouraged to marry - and to marry early. Holy Prophet (S.A.W.A) said, "When a man marries, he indeed perfects half of his religion. Then he should fear Allah for the remaining half."
Marriage eliminates the temptation for zina, thus assisting partners to remain on the 'straight path' that Allah has created for us. Marriage is a mercy for us.
Women are encouraged to marry a good Muslim man who offers himself. Men are able to choose a woman based on her appearance, her wealth, her social standing, or her God Consciousness - the latter being the greatest. Nowhere does it say that women can choose based on educational degree or profession. Nowhere does it say a woman or man may seek a spouse based on ethnicity or nationality. Yet, often there are matrimonial ads placed by a woman or her family seeking a 'professional man' or a man of specific ethnic or national origin. Often we see matrimonial ads placed by a man looking for a woman of specific educational degree or specific ethnicity or national origin.
The notion of 'arranged' marriages is still the Islamic way. Marriages may be arranged by family, through a service, through friends, through relatives. Today, especially in the West, there are many settings where Muslims of opposite gender interact because of educational pursuit or employment. It is possible that a couple may meet in a coeducational setting (university) or a work setting and be attracted and wish to make intentions for marriage. This must never be done through personal conversation or interaction. This should not be prolonged. We know the dangers of this situation.
The key to a good marriage arrangement is a good and capable person - one who will do a thorough investigation and a good interview session; one in which ALL questions are asked and answered.
In the many years we saw many people in extreme marital problems because they did not have clear understanding of the responsibilities each expected of the other in marriage. In Islam, this is never the case. The expectations of marriage partners are clearly established. If there is conflict, it is because of what we bring in - not what Islam directs.
While these are 'modern' times, Islam is the perfect religion - the 'categorical imperative' - in regard to the guidelines for life, including marriage. AlHamdullillah!!!(Thank God) This has not changed - and will not change.
In Islam it is clear that marriage is the optimum lifestyle.
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed Signs for people who reflect." (30:21).
Yet, as more and more Muslims become a part of the 'West', the 'West' becomes part of the Ummah and leads us away from the strict interpretation of Islamic guidelines in regard to marriage.
Muslims are not permitted to touch, have social intercourse, have personal relationships, have intimate relationships or date members of the opposite sex outside of specific 'blood' relationships and marriage. Therefore, the customs of the 'West' - dating, inter-gender gatherings, and Internet communications that become personal are forbidden. There are some who would disagree with this statement, saying that this is 'old-fashioned' and that 'times have changed'. we would counter by saying that the injunctions of the Qur'an and Sunnah have never changed - they were written for all times and all peoples. They are, in fact, the categorical imperative that Immanuel Kant strove to find. This is opposed to the customs of the 'West'.
In cultures outside of Islam, dating and touching exist. We see the results every day. Women and men go in and out of relationships, many children are born out of wedlock, children remain fatherless. Fatherless homes are the norm rather than the exception and these homes tend to have a lower standard of living and a higher rate of troubled children.
Muslims are encouraged to marry - and to marry early. Holy Prophet (S.A.W.A) said, "When a man marries, he indeed perfects half of his religion. Then he should fear Allah for the remaining half."
Marriage eliminates the temptation for zina, thus assisting partners to remain on the 'straight path' that Allah has created for us. Marriage is a mercy for us.
Women are encouraged to marry a good Muslim man who offers himself. Men are able to choose a woman based on her appearance, her wealth, her social standing, or her God Consciousness - the latter being the greatest. Nowhere does it say that women can choose based on educational degree or profession. Nowhere does it say a woman or man may seek a spouse based on ethnicity or nationality. Yet, often there are matrimonial ads placed by a woman or her family seeking a 'professional man' or a man of specific ethnic or national origin. Often we see matrimonial ads placed by a man looking for a woman of specific educational degree or specific ethnicity or national origin.
The notion of 'arranged' marriages is still the Islamic way. Marriages may be arranged by family, through a service, through friends, through relatives. Today, especially in the West, there are many settings where Muslims of opposite gender interact because of educational pursuit or employment. It is possible that a couple may meet in a coeducational setting (university) or a work setting and be attracted and wish to make intentions for marriage. This must never be done through personal conversation or interaction. This should not be prolonged. We know the dangers of this situation.
The key to a good marriage arrangement is a good and capable person - one who will do a thorough investigation and a good interview session; one in which ALL questions are asked and answered.
In the many years we saw many people in extreme marital problems because they did not have clear understanding of the responsibilities each expected of the other in marriage. In Islam, this is never the case. The expectations of marriage partners are clearly established. If there is conflict, it is because of what we bring in - not what Islam directs.
While these are 'modern' times, Islam is the perfect religion - the 'categorical imperative' - in regard to the guidelines for life, including marriage. AlHamdullillah!
PROPOSAL AND ENGAGEMENT – A FEW POINTERS BY SAYYID MUHAMMAD RIZVI
"Engagement"
Engagement is the time between acceptance of the marriage proposal (khitba) and the marriage ceremony ('aqd). Once the proposal is accepted, the man and the woman are known as "engaged to be married" or simply "engaged". Engagement has no recognition in Islamic laws. It is simply an agreement to marry but it is not a binding agreement, it can be broken off with or without a reason.
Who Proposes?
Traditionally in all cultures, it is the man who proposes to the woman; and it is done either directly by the man himself or on his behalf by his family. In the
West, even now the man is expected to get down on his one-knee to propose to the woman he wants to marry. In words of 'Allama Murtaza Mutahhari,
"From time immemorial man has approached woman with his proposal…
Nature has imbued woman with the disposition of a flower and made the man the nightingale, woman the lamp and man the moth."
"This is not the case with human beings only. Other animals also behave like this. It is always the function of the male to present himself impatiently and
earnestly before the female..." (The Rights of Women in Islam, p. 15-16) Even the Qur'ãn asks the men to seek women for marriage. (See 4:3) And
so, in the proposal, it is the man who initiates and the woman who accepts. In the actual marriage ceremony, however, it is the woman who initiates the
marriage and the man who accepts it.
"Engagement"
Engagement is the time between acceptance of the marriage proposal (khitba) and the marriage ceremony ('aqd). Once the proposal is accepted, the man and the woman are known as "engaged to be married" or simply "engaged". Engagement has no recognition in Islamic laws. It is simply an agreement to marry but it is not a binding agreement, it can be broken off with or without a reason.
Who Proposes?
Traditionally in all cultures, it is the man who proposes to the woman; and it is done either directly by the man himself or on his behalf by his family. In the
West, even now the man is expected to get down on his one-knee to propose to the woman he wants to marry. In words of 'Allama Murtaza Mutahhari,
"From time immemorial man has approached woman with his proposal…
Nature has imbued woman with the disposition of a flower and made the man the nightingale, woman the lamp and man the moth."
"This is not the case with human beings only. Other animals also behave like this. It is always the function of the male to present himself impatiently and
earnestly before the female..." (The Rights of Women in Islam, p. 15-16) Even the Qur'ãn asks the men to seek women for marriage. (See 4:3) And
so, in the proposal, it is the man who initiates and the woman who accepts. In the actual marriage ceremony, however, it is the woman who initiates the
marriage and the man who accepts it.
When & To Whom?
Other than the mahram ladies whom he cannot marry, a man may propose marriage to any single woman. (For list of the mahram ladies, see the Qur'an 4:23-24.)
However, in the following four cases, proposal is not appropriate.(Remember that the contemporary mujtahids have not expressed their opinions on three of the four cases; but scholars of the early centuries of the ghaybat have expressed their opinions.)marriage 2006
Other than the mahram ladies whom he cannot marry, a man may propose marriage to any single woman. (For list of the mahram ladies, see the Qur'an 4:23-24.)
However, in the following four cases, proposal is not appropriate.
1. A divorcee who is in her three months' waiting period ('iddah) of the revocable divorce (talaq, a divorce initiated by the husband.) It is forbidden (harãm) to propose to her directly or indirectly before the expiry of her 'iddah. The divorced couple, in this case, may decide to revoke their divorce during the grace period.
2. A divorcee who is in her three months' waiting period ('iddah) ofthe irrevocable divorce (khula', a divorce initiated by the wife.)
It is forbidden (harãm) to propose to her directly but one is allowed to propose to her indirectly.
3. A widow who is in her four months' waiting period ('iddah) after her husband's death. It is forbidden (harãm) to propose to her directly but he is allowed to propose to her indirectly. (See the Qur'an 2:235)
4. An engaged woman: Is it permissible for man to propose a lady who is already engaged? Among the past scholars, there are
two views on this issue: from makruh (irreprehensible) to harãm (forbidden). However, if a woman who has just received a proposal but has not yet responded to it positively, it is permissible to propose her. In this case, if a man proposes to an engaged woman and eventually marries her, then according to those who consider that proposal to be haram, although the act of proposing is sinful but the actual marriage between the two would still be valid.
Engagement Ceremony
There is no such thing as an engagement ceremony in Islam. "Engagement" is just a nonbinding agreement to marry. However, Muslims have adopted certain traditions from other cultures or made their own customs. Technically, if traditions don't violate the shari'ah laws, then there is no problem. For example , among the Shi'as of north India, the man's family go with an "Imam zãmin" to the girl's family and tie it on her arm as a well-wish gesture for the girl – this is done by the women of the man's family.
These days, many Muslim cultures have adopted the Western tradition of giving or exchanging engagement rings. Apparently, this was first done by Maximilian I, the Holy Roman Emperor , in 1477 when he gave a diamond ring to Mary of Burgundy. However, there is a problem in this tradition: since the engagement does not make the man and the woman mahram to one another, they cannot touch one another even for giving the engagement ring,they still have to observe the rules of hijab. The only solution is to recite the temporary nikah for the purpose of becoming mahram only. For more details, see my Marriage & Morals in Islam.
There is no such thing as an engagement ceremony in Islam. "Engagement" is just a nonbinding agreement to marry. However, Muslims have adopted certain traditions from other cultures or made their own customs. Technically, if traditions don't violate the shari'ah laws, then there is no problem. For example , among the Shi'as of north India, the man's family go with an "Imam zãmin" to the girl's family and tie it on her arm as a well-wish gesture for the girl – this is done by the women of the man's family.
These days, many Muslim cultures have adopted the Western tradition of giving or exchanging engagement rings. Apparently, this was first done by Maximilian I, the Holy Roman Emperor , in 1477 when he gave a diamond ring to Mary of Burgundy. However, there is a problem in this tradition: since the engagement does not make the man and the woman mahram to one another, they cannot touch one another even for giving the engagement ring,they still have to observe the rules of hijab. The only solution is to recite the temporary nikah for the purpose of becoming mahram only. For more details, see my Marriage & Morals in Islam.
Problems & Conflicts
These days the so-called "engagement ceremony" is becoming more like a mini marriage ceremony! I am not saying that don't do your engagement ceremony – if you do it within the bounds of shari'ah, then there is no problem, BUT don't over do it! Don't rob the actual marriage of its mystique!
Even the tradition of giving gifts –the man's family gives to the engaged woman– is overdone in some cultures. I am told that at every occasion on our religious calendar, the boy's family is expected to send clothes and jewellery to the girl. This is okay; but it becomes a big problem when the engagement is broken off.
1. If the engagement is broken off by one party, then the other cannot claim for damages for breaking the agreement since it was of a nonbinding nature. One cannot claim for damages for 'loss of reputation' or 'depression' or 'air fare for our trips to visit you,' or 'the deposit paid for the hall rental' and etc. Remember you cannot unwind your life; unpleasant things happen and you have to move on and carry on with your life.
2. Of course, both parties have the right to ask back for the gifts given to one another:
(a) If the gifts were of perishable nature (e.g., sweets), then there is no basis for asking it back or its value.
(b) If the gifts were non-perishable (e.g., cash or jewellery),then there is two possibilities:
i. If it still exists, then it should be given back.
ii. If it perished or doesn't exist any more, then:
1. if it perished out of negligence, then pay its value.
2. if it perished without anyone's fault, then there is nothing.
So keeping the engagement relationship simple helps in dealing with potential problems later on. But if you still want to indulge in extravagance during the engagement period, then those who give should be prepared to forget everything in case the engagement is broken off and those who receive should be prepared to consider the gifts as 'trust' and be prepared to give them back.These days the so-called "engagement ceremony" is becoming more like a mini marriage ceremony! I am not saying that don't do your engagement ceremony – if you do it within the bounds of shari'ah, then there is no problem, BUT don't over do it! Don't rob the actual marriage of its mystique!
Even the tradition of giving gifts –the man's family gives to the engaged woman– is overdone in some cultures. I am told that at every occasion on our religious calendar, the boy's family is expected to send clothes and jewellery to the girl. This is okay; but it becomes a big problem when the engagement is broken off.
1. If the engagement is broken off by one party, then the other cannot claim for damages for breaking the agreement since it was of a nonbinding nature. One cannot claim for damages for 'loss of reputation' or 'depression' or 'air fare for our trips to visit you,' or 'the deposit paid for the hall rental' and etc. Remember you cannot unwind your life; unpleasant things happen and you have to move on and carry on with your life.
2. Of course, both parties have the right to ask back for the gifts given to one another:
(a) If the gifts were of perishable nature (e.g., sweets), then there is no basis for asking it back or its value.
(b) If the gifts were non-perishable (e.g., cash or jewellery),then there is two possibilities:
i. If it still exists, then it should be given back.
ii. If it perished or doesn't exist any more, then:
1. if it perished out of negligence, then pay its value.
2. if it perished without anyone's fault, then there is nothing.
3. However, according to Islamic laws, the gifts given to a person related to you by blood cannot be asked back. (Blood relationship means biological relationship as opposed to relationship through marriage.) So, for example, if the engagement is between cousins and then it is broken off, the parties cannot ask back for the gifts that they had given to one another
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ALHAMDOLILLAHE RABIL AALAMIN
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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ali_valiyollah
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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ali_valiyollah
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