Shia Strength: [shia_strength] FW: Positive Parenting

Sunday, February 28, 2010

[shia_strength] FW: Positive Parenting

From: Sultan Govani
Sent: 28 February 2010 19:44
To: Sultan Govani
Subject: Positive Parenting

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

26th February 2010 / 11th Rab ul Awwal 1431

Positive Parenting

Raising kids is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world — and the one for which you may feel the least prepared.

Here are nine child-rearing tips that can help you feel more fulfilled as a parent — and enjoy your kids more, too.

1. Nurture Your Child's Self-Esteem

Kids start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents' eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem more than anything else. Praising accomplishments, however small, will make them feel proud; letting kids do things independently will make them feel capable and strong. By contrast, belittling comments or comparing a child unfavorably with another will make kids feel worthless.

Avoid making loaded statements or using words as weapons. Comments like "What a stupid thing to do!" or "You act more like a baby than your little brother!" cause damage just as physical blows do. Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your kids know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even when you don't love their behavior.

2. Catch Kids Being Good

Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your kids in a given day? You may find that yourself criticizing far more often than complimenting. How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance, even if it was well-intentioned?

The more effective approach is to catch kids doing something right: "You made your bed without being asked — that's terrific!" or "I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient." These statements will do more to encourage good behavior over the long run than repeated scolding.

Make a point of finding something to praise every day. Be generous with rewards — your love, hugs, and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough. Soon you will find you are "growing" more of the behavior you would like to see.

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) has said " Kiss your children often, for every display of affection will raise your status in heaven."

3. Set Limits and Be Consistent With Your Discipline

Discipline is necessary in every household. The goal of discipline is to help kids choose acceptable behaviors and learn self-control. They may test the limits you establish for them, but they need those limits to grow into responsible adults.

Establishing house rules helps kids understand your expectations and develop self-control. Some rules might include: no TV until homework is done, and no hitting, name-calling, or hurtful teasing allowed.

You might want to have a system in place: one warning, followed by consequences such as a "time out" or loss of privileges. A common mistake parents make is failure to follow through with the consequences. You can't discipline kids for talking back one day and ignore it the next. Being consistent teaches what you expect.

4. Make Time for Your Kids

It's often difficult for parents and kids to get together for a family meal, let alone spend quality time together. But there is probably nothing kids would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child, or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner. Kids who aren't getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they're sure to be noticed that way.

Don't feel guilty if you're a working parent. It is the many little things you do — making popcorn, playing games, window shopping — that kids will remember.

5. Be a Good Role Model

Young kids learn a lot about how to act by watching their parents. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: is that how you want your child to behave when angry? Be constantly aware that you're being observed by your kids. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home.

Model the traits you wish to cultivate in your kids: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance. Exhibit unselfish behavior. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Fulfill your wajibats without fail. Above all, treat your kids the way you expect other people to treat you.

To be Cont…

Coutesy: Madrasah Al Zahra—DSM

Hadith of the Week

Imam Ali (a.s) told his son, Imam Hassan (a.s): "O my son! No wealth is more valuable than intelligence and no poverty is similar to ignorance; no terror is worst than arrogance, and no life more pleasant than being good tempered.

Biharul Anwar vol. 78, p.111